Top 7 Funniest Crime Stories
It was a short-lived mystery. Money started falling out of his backside, in the form of $20 bills, like he was some kind of gastrointestinal ATM. According to a Facebook post from the Marion County Sheriff’s Office, “After a necessary but undesirable process for everyone involved, MCSO Detention Deputies located $1,090.00 in U.S. currency hidden in Stokes’ rectum.” Stokes received one charge for his rectal magic trick, as well as a litany of drug charges.
Generally, when being interrogated by police, it’s best to keep your mouth shut unless you have a lawyer by your side. But maybe there’s another way to get out of trouble.
Sean A. Sykes, Jr. – a 24-year-old resident of Kansas City – was riding in a car in which police found drugs and two handguns, so he was taken in for further questioning. When a detective asked Sykes about his address, he “leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering with the address,” the detective wrote in his report about the interrogation. The barrage of farts continued, and according to the detective, he “continued to be flatulent and I ended the interview.”
Though he was not charged, Sykes was pulled over two months later. Police allegedly found crack and a stolen gun in his car, and it seems likely that he won’t be able to fart his way out of trouble this time.
One of the weirder stories of the year was the assassination of Kim Jong-un’s half-brother, Kim Jong-nam. While making his way through Kuala Lumpur International Airport, he was confronted by two women – one of whom was wearing a sweatshirt reading “LOL” – who sprayed him in the face with a VX nerve agent. He died 20 minutes later, before he could make it to the hospital.
The strangest part of the story, though, is that the women later said they thought they were taping a comedy prank show. They were paid to spray a few other men in the face with water earlier that day. Apparently they were unsuspecting assassins. In October, they pleaded not guilty in Malaysia, and potentially face the death penalty.
Over on Long Island, 26-year-old Arielle Bonnici was snagged by cops back in May for marijuana possession. A few months later, she had to show up for the court summons. Court appearances are super boring. But you know what would help that? More weed.
So according to police, Bonnici rolled up to the station, cutting off undercover cops while talking on her cellphone on the way in, parking in a spot featuring a “P.D. Parking Only” sign. Not exactly the smartest move, but to be fair, she was allegedly super high. When cops confronted her about her illegal parking spot, a huge cloud of pot smoke puffed out of the window. Maybe she was just holding all of the smoke for a friend?
She was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana. Again. And has to appear in court. Again.
A man in Ridgecrest, California, attempted to rob a home by sneaking in through the chimney, in a move known as the “reverse-Santa.” Keith Schultz climbed into the chimney, but that’s as far as he got, as he severely misjudged its width.
Desperate for help, his female partner in crime allegedly tried to break into the house to help him, which police believe triggered the home’s burglar alarm. She then called the police for help, before escaping into the night. Meanwhile, firefighters pried Schultz free from the chimney. He was taken into police custody, where he posed for a mug shot covered in soot, a headshot that could surely get him cast in a local stage production of Oliver Twist.
But Sedekiya couldn’t stay awake. At around 4 a.m., after he dozed off, his roommate escaped and got help. Police returned to find Sedekiya and arrested him. He was held on an aggravated robbery charge with a $60,000 bond.
It’s apparently a common problem, as two people in Yakima, Washington, were also caught sleeping in front of the storage unit facility in which they had just allegedly robbed. Remember to take a nap before your crime spree.
Earlier this month, Justin Thompson was a 29-year old on the run from the law in Scranton, Pennsylvania. There was a warrant out for his arrest for aggravated assault and harassment charges, stemming from an incident in September. So when officers showed up to search his 26-year-old girlfriend’s house, Thompson hid in a crawl space, apparently doing his best impression of John McClane in Die Hard.
Unfortunately, the crawl space couldn’t support his weight, and Thompson crashed through the ceiling, landing in the kitchen, right in front of the cops who were looking for him. Worse, they tacked on a charge of endangering children because he nearly landed on some kids.