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The Best Law Jokes

The National Institute of Health has announced that it will no longer be using rats for medical experiments. In their place, they will use lawyers. They have given three reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more lawyers than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the lawyers as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won’t do.


A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass,
drinks it, and says: “In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in the
Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away…”. Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle thru it.
All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havana’s, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: “In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: in Havana, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away…”.
Saying that, he throws the pack of Havana’s thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it…


A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention.
More than 500 lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.


Two prisoners are talking about their crimes: One day the phone rang at a law office and when the receptionist answered a man asked to speak to Mr. Dewey. “I’m sorry, sir,” the receptionist said. “Mr. Dewey passed away yesterday.” “Oh, is that right? Goodbye.” But everyday for the next two weeks the same man called back and the same exchange occurred. Finally, the receptionist said, “Sir, I have told you repeatedly that Mr. Dewey died, why do you keep calling and asking for him?” “Oh,” the man replied, “I just like to hear it.”

George: “I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years.” Herman: “Hmm. I killed a man, and I’m here for 3 days.”
George: “WHAT??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???” Herman: “Yeah, it was a lawyer.”


An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him. The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends.” The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, “But what’s the catch?”


One day the phone rang at a law office and when the receptionist answered a man asked to speak to Mr. Dewey. “I’m sorry, sir,” the receptionist said. “Mr. Dewey passed away yesterday.” “Oh, is that right? Goodbye.” But everyday for the next two weeks the same man called back and the same exchange occurred. Finally, the receptionist said, “Sir, I have told you repeatedly that Mr. Dewey died, why do you keep calling and asking for him?” “Oh,” the man replied, “I just like to hear it.”

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